I am retired

I am Retired

              2007-8             

                                 [附劉長安先生中文翻譯]

Retired, I am. How relaxing and comfortable my life has become.

 

After a sound 8-hour sleep, I woke up without alarm, brushed teeth, and combed the thin grey hair with some gel in my palm, like a leisurely vacationer. No one I have to report to but myself in the mirror.

 

I went to the kitchen, washed two soft, black California plums. Peeling slowly one by one, I was amazed. How easily large pieces of the skin came off, leaving juicy, delicate, yellowish meat, dripping its honey, ready to eat. It is kind of a wonder. Though harvested, they continued to soften, and sweetened by enzymes accumulated inside. Then, they were eager to offer what they had accomplished, for us to consume, like mellowed old men willing to share what they know, even after they had taken a deep bow. Mouthful of succulent meat! How delicious the mature produce of the nature!

 

I walked outside and stretched my arms. The weather was hot. It was 100 degrees today from the Texas sun in the Summer. But I enjoyed the sunshine on my face and delighted to feel the breeze that swept away the heat. After 30 minutes, I started to sweat. I drank water from the bottle I carried and looked at cars passing by. They were hurrying to work, probably. How busy they appeared.

 

The sky was so blue. I never noted how blue the sky could be. The azure was like the Mediterranean sea . White cottony clouds scattered here and there, moving slowly to the north. I could not, like others do, imagine that they shaped like a crouching tiger or dancing dragon. I just watched and thought, how soon they would be blown away, and how high the clouds might be. They were high, but not unreachable. We had flown above clouds many times before.

 

Actually nothing changed in this world. Only that, I am now free from tension, competition and woe, liberated from wanting more and more for my own.

 

With calmness and peace in my heart, I have become more aware. I cherish the pleasure of everything I see and feel in this world, like an awakened little boy in my soul.

 

Now having more rooms in my mind, I am searching for what had been locked out of my life, because of the daily chores and lack of time. I will fill the holes with those, considered to be so remote: spending days in aquariums and museums, reading action-thrillers shown in shops, travel to famous spots around the globe, and write what I reminisce most, the good old days that will soon be lost.

 

我退休了

 

退休了—就是我。何等輕鬆與舒服的生活屆臨！

 

八小時的酣睡，不用在鬧鈴聲響中醒來。刷刷牙，在掌心擠上些許髮乳梳理疏落的灰白髮絲，像個閒情逸致的旅者；無需向任何人負責，卻只是鏡中的自己。

 

走入廚房，清洗兩顆加州蜜李；逐個慢慢去皮，一大片外果皮輕易剝除讓我驚喜。甜蜜的汁液滴落、黃褐色的果肉香甜，以備品嘗。果實內酵素累積，雖經採下卻仍持續熟透、甜度增加，何等的自然神奇。成熟果實輕垂，渴望人們摘取享用；正如耆宿鞠躬身退，卻分享其飽經風霜的人生歷練。多汁的果肉，盈塞滿嘴；自然的成熟果實，如此甜美。

 

不出戶外，伸展雙臂，德州夏天炙熱的太陽，使今天的溫度達華氏100度；享受陽光灑在臉龐，微風輕輕拂走熱氣的清爽。30分鐘後，汗珠淋漓，一飲而盡所攜帶瓶裝水；環視熙來攘往的車輛，也許是為工作奔忙，顯露匆忙神色。

 

天空無比湛藍，我未嘗注意天空竟是這般顏色，蒼穹竟跟地中海一樣蔚藍。白如棉絮的浮雲四處散佈，蓮步輕移飄向北方。我不像其他人會將浮雲想像成臥虎或飛龍，我只是觀察跟思索，浮雲有多高，高到伸手不可及；飄散有多快，快到變幻莫測。

 

實際上，萬物亙古恆常運作不變，變的只是我，不用再緊張、競逐與悲傷，從為自己追逐更多又更多的執著釋放。

 

我越來越了解，內心恬靜亦常，珍愛世間萬物所見、所感的喜悅，如同童稚之心在心靈。

 

而今心胸開闊，我要尋找昔日生命中認為遙不可及的活動，鎮日徘徊於水族館與博物館、讀完坊間令人振奮事蹟、玩遍世界著名景點、寫下昔日最為優美但隨將失去的回憶，來填滿這些因日常繁冗與欠缺時間而被桎梏的心靈空缺。